How to Stop Complaining

"If it’s endurable, then endure it. Stop complaining.”   ~ Marcus Aurelius didn't say winners train and losers complain but the sentiment is there.

People complain about the funniest things. We make mountains out of molehills and then complain about this seemingly insurmountable challenge that has suddenly appeared before us. I complain, you complain, we all do it and it doesn't solve a thing.

Why do we complain?

We like to express our dissatisfaction, our annoyance, our fear, our pain our discontent. Yet, complaining will not make things better or easier to deal with. Does venting really make you feel better? Not likely. We tend to complain with others, we preach to the choir, commiserate, and get even more riled up. And when we complain to others we likely meet some resistance. And the cycle repeats.

Life has its challenges. There’s no doubt about it. Sometimes they seem insurmountable - until they are not. 

Our thoughts are almost predictable  . . .  We perceive a challenge. We worry. We get anxious. We complain. And complain. Yet the challenge or this obstacle doesn’t go away until we do something about it. 

You are privileged to be sitting here as a survivor. 

You have survived 100% of your worst moments imaginable.

Keep that in your heart and at the forefront of your mind. Because life is never gonna stop coming at you. Life is testing you to make you stronger, to make you think, and to make you change. 

How can we stop complaining and become solution-focused action takers? 

The Stoic’s question

When life throws you a curve ball, hooks you with an uppercut, or pulls the rug from under you - because it will happen at some point - ask yourself this question.

Is this endurable?

If you answer honestly, it is likely going to be yes. Then endure it!

Don’t go asking questions like "Why do I have to _?", "Why me?", "How am I going to _ from this?", or "Why can’t life be easy?" Question-complaints.

These will not help you take action and create solutions.

A better question is  . . . 

"What is the next best action I can take?"

The best action is to write down the 20 possible next best actions.

The first three will likely come easily and if you stick with this for 20 possibilities you’ll definitely come up with some better solutions.

Look at your list and cross out the things that you cannot control and then deal with the things that you can.

 Writing is the best way to organize your thoughts. Humans have been doing it forever for a good reason.

It helps us choose our words wisely and makes us better thinkers. Better thinking allows for better questions and better solutions.

Stop Complaining Quotes

“Your fear is 100% dependent on you for its survival.” ~ Steve Maraboli

I had a recent coaching prospect admit that they were reluctant to start coaching because of the required "homework", and that writing and reflecting on questions would be an obstacle.

I imagine that in their mind there is fear around loss, process, and outcome. As if taking the time to organize their thoughts would amount to time lost - a waste of time. That this time for reflection would cramp their lifestyle - an inconvenience. That if they did this work they would have wasted their time and not gotten the results that they wanted. 

You know what - this is complaining! This is making mountains out of molehills. These are unwarranted thoughts going awry.

This is likely why this person is not living up to their potential and says that they are overwhelmed, impatient, too critical, a procrastinator, reactive, anxious, and always "dealing with other people's bullshit". 

Guess what I think they should do?  Write these thoughts down. 

Coaching is about challenging yourself, it is a process of discovery. Discovering what you really want and what you are willing to do about it!

 So let's stop complaining already. Stop catastrophizing. Let's organize our thoughts and create the life we want to live. It will be a challenge because an extraordinary life doesn't happen by accident, feel free to contact me at any point if you need my professional help!

I wish you peace, love, and discovery.

Jerome